2.5 Seconds

I've decided to train for a marathon in hopes of curing a little boredom and losing a little weight. Yesterday, I ran about 10 miles going from where I live down to Georgetown and back along the canal. Coming back and ran by John Edwards. Yes, I voted for him (though he's no Howard Dean). Who knows, he may be president one day (probably not, but maybe). What did I say or do? Nothing. I jogged right by him.

I'm not a shy guy (at least not around people of the same gender). I'm not dull either. People comment that I can talk about anything to anyone. Reserved? Tactful? No one has ever accused me of that. Still, in that 2.5 seconds that I had running by Edwards, nothing came to mind. And what could have? When you get that 2.5 seconds with celebrities, what do you say? It happens all the time. Terry Bradshaw in at Dullas airport, Keenu Reeves shooting Cold Fusion at Chicago, Arnold Shwarzenegger promoting Eraser in Prague, Cassie from One Life to Live in Belize, Bob Ueker at a Brewers games. Oh, I've had my fair share of celebrity run-ins and every time, I do and say nothing.

Well, not every time. There was that whole graduation from college with Bill Clinton. Yes, when I graduated college, Bill Clinton came and spoke. We got our diplomas and shook his hand. Each of us got 2.5 second with the President. How did people spend it?

1) Suck-ups. Nearly a third of the kids graduating stood doe-eyed, shook hands and said something like "it's very nice to meet you, Mr. President" or "I admire you". What's the point of this? Do celebrities need to have their egos stroked? Do they even want it? I bet it either makes them feel uncomfortable or makes them roll their eyes.

2) Assholes. A handful of kids asked "how's Monica?". Some didn't shake his hand at all. One asked if Bill wanted to get a beer later. One put out his hand and then pulled it away like a fourth grader playing "down-low, you're too slow". On occasion, I've taken this path before. Just the other day I gave the finger to Fred Barnes (a Faux News guy).

3) Idiots. What did I do with my 2.5 seconds? I couldn't think of anything to say so I said "protect the environment, my friend". Clinton responded with "thank you". Yes, my 2.5 seconds with the president of the United States, the most important person in the world, was a complete miscommunication.

4)Do-nothingers. In hopes of not being 1 through 3 or just from hesitation or not caring, most people did nothing. They shook hands and went on their way.

Of course, all of this is a metaphor for life. The universe is 40 billions years old and will be around probably for another 40 billion. We get to be part of if for around 80 years if we're lucky. That's 1/1,00,000,000 of the universe. One second is roughly 1/2,524,608,000 of an 80 year life. So, in the grand life of universe, we get 2.5 seconds.

How do people spend their 2.5 seconds? There are suck-ups who spend their life thanking their life away to God or feelings guilty that they got 2.5 seconds in the first place. There are assholes you spend it narcissistically and selfishly trying to be noticed. There are idiots who don't want to be like everyone else, but are completely misunderstood and dismissed. And then there are do-nothingers who either don't care they have 2.5 seconds or can't believe they are given 2.5 seconds, are fascinated by the time, are paralyzed by the time and then let the time slip by.