Salvation through Dilettantism
Tantalus, once again, fails to take a drink or to eat the fruit.
I was told I was being hired. I was told I was a priority and I would be starting in July. After a number of interviews, intelligence testing, two psychological exams, a polygraph and a background investigation, I became a little invested. I imagined they would teach me Chinese and send me abroad. I thought I would be doing something interesting for change.
The water was at my lips. I started to picture it quenching my parched throat. Perhaps that was the mistake
Then they sent me a brief letter telling me something had been revealed that disqualified me.
Instantly, the water receded and I was left feeling foolish. I am not sure if I am most angry with them for being moralists, them for being teases, myself for not keeping my mouth shut or myself for getting my hopes up.
People’s consolation has been varied. To ameliorate the pain, many people bash the original dream much in the same way an ex is derided after a breakup. My sister said, “good, now you’ll be able to sleep at night”, questioning the ethics of the job. My mother said “good, now you wont be killed”, questioning the safety of it.
Others use empathy. They assure me that their dreams are unfilled as well. Is Tantalus’ thirst eased by the fatigue of Sisyphus or the dizziness of Ixion? Maybe a little.
Finally, some focus on the opportunities and swear to me that there is a silver lining. “Look on the bright-side,” said my boss “now you can have a life.” Having gone to store to find want I wanted gone, I do still have the money to buy something else.
Ahh, the opportunity of something else. That is joy of the dilettante. The world seemed to have ended on Saturday, but somehow it is Wednesday and I don’t feel that bad. One stock crashed, but the dilettante’s portfolio was diversified.
Moving on.
I was told I was being hired. I was told I was a priority and I would be starting in July. After a number of interviews, intelligence testing, two psychological exams, a polygraph and a background investigation, I became a little invested. I imagined they would teach me Chinese and send me abroad. I thought I would be doing something interesting for change.
The water was at my lips. I started to picture it quenching my parched throat. Perhaps that was the mistake
Then they sent me a brief letter telling me something had been revealed that disqualified me.
Instantly, the water receded and I was left feeling foolish. I am not sure if I am most angry with them for being moralists, them for being teases, myself for not keeping my mouth shut or myself for getting my hopes up.
People’s consolation has been varied. To ameliorate the pain, many people bash the original dream much in the same way an ex is derided after a breakup. My sister said, “good, now you’ll be able to sleep at night”, questioning the ethics of the job. My mother said “good, now you wont be killed”, questioning the safety of it.
Others use empathy. They assure me that their dreams are unfilled as well. Is Tantalus’ thirst eased by the fatigue of Sisyphus or the dizziness of Ixion? Maybe a little.
Finally, some focus on the opportunities and swear to me that there is a silver lining. “Look on the bright-side,” said my boss “now you can have a life.” Having gone to store to find want I wanted gone, I do still have the money to buy something else.
Ahh, the opportunity of something else. That is joy of the dilettante. The world seemed to have ended on Saturday, but somehow it is Wednesday and I don’t feel that bad. One stock crashed, but the dilettante’s portfolio was diversified.
Moving on.
posted by American Dilettante at
10:43 AM
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