Obligation
Our lives are filled with obligations. They are part of both the informal and formal contracts that make up human relations. Some we choose, some we are born in to and some we slip into with even realizing it.
For the most part, obligations are kept in order to maintain relationships or to avoid negative repercussions. If you do not go into work, your relationship with your employer will break down and you will be fired. If you fail to fulfill your three obligations as a US citizen (pay taxes, serve jury duty and participate in the census), you can receive heavy fines. If you don’t get a gift for your significant other on their birthday, they will probably yell at you or not speak to you.
There are other obligations, though, that we do for other reasons.
Last week, I went to Holland for my grandmother’s memorial service. My grandfather was taken out of the old folks home so he could enjoy time with the family and attend this service. In his old age, he has stopped caring about how he acts and what he says. He also has stopped caring too much about bathing, washing his clothes or where he chooses to urinate and defecate. My mother, who is the in-law, took on the task of cleaning up after his mess in the bathroom. My father, who is disabled and can’t do too much cleaning, tried to get him to wear somewhat clean clothes. My task was to take him down to Lake Michigan every other day and give him a bath.
These tasks weren’t delegated and there were no personal consequences in not doing them. My aunts, uncles and cousins probably didn’t even notice them occurring and my grandfather, in his vertigo, almost certainly has no memory of them. Yet, the tasks got done.
Why? I asked my mother how she ended up cleaning up an old man’s shit. “Who else is going to do it?” she countered.
Perhaps the strongest obligations are the tasks that need a single person desperately. If someone else can pick up the slack, people feel little guilt about bailing. But, when there is no one else, a person is faced with the cold reality of something not getting done. Faced with that extreme, laziness and fear of being uncomfortable seem petty. Action prevails.
This makes other things clear. Why does Nicolas Kristoff keep writing about Darfur over and over? Why does the graduate student study and write on an obscure niche? Why does Shoffy hang out with weirdoes?
Who else is going to do it?
For the most part, obligations are kept in order to maintain relationships or to avoid negative repercussions. If you do not go into work, your relationship with your employer will break down and you will be fired. If you fail to fulfill your three obligations as a US citizen (pay taxes, serve jury duty and participate in the census), you can receive heavy fines. If you don’t get a gift for your significant other on their birthday, they will probably yell at you or not speak to you.
There are other obligations, though, that we do for other reasons.
Last week, I went to Holland for my grandmother’s memorial service. My grandfather was taken out of the old folks home so he could enjoy time with the family and attend this service. In his old age, he has stopped caring about how he acts and what he says. He also has stopped caring too much about bathing, washing his clothes or where he chooses to urinate and defecate. My mother, who is the in-law, took on the task of cleaning up after his mess in the bathroom. My father, who is disabled and can’t do too much cleaning, tried to get him to wear somewhat clean clothes. My task was to take him down to Lake Michigan every other day and give him a bath.
These tasks weren’t delegated and there were no personal consequences in not doing them. My aunts, uncles and cousins probably didn’t even notice them occurring and my grandfather, in his vertigo, almost certainly has no memory of them. Yet, the tasks got done.
Why? I asked my mother how she ended up cleaning up an old man’s shit. “Who else is going to do it?” she countered.
Perhaps the strongest obligations are the tasks that need a single person desperately. If someone else can pick up the slack, people feel little guilt about bailing. But, when there is no one else, a person is faced with the cold reality of something not getting done. Faced with that extreme, laziness and fear of being uncomfortable seem petty. Action prevails.
This makes other things clear. Why does Nicolas Kristoff keep writing about Darfur over and over? Why does the graduate student study and write on an obscure niche? Why does Shoffy hang out with weirdoes?
Who else is going to do it?
posted by American Dilettante at
4:16 PM
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