Change (or Lack Thereof) Revisted
I recently had a conversation with friend about women, relationships, marriage and all of that crap. Out of this fairly typical discussion came a statement, made by him, that has been resonating with me all week.
“People don’t change”
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Technically, people do change. They become older and with that they become more confident or less confident, smarter or dumber, more liberal or more conservative. Their interests meander and their view of the world might shift. Just a few weeks ago, I wrote a blog about how people do change and at what rate. But, my friend didn’t mean that and I knew he didn’t mean that. He meant generally and at a fundamental level, people don’t change.
So, I’ve been wondering, fundamentally, am I the same person? After all the school and all the work, all the travel and all the various people I’ve known, am I really different? Do I still have all of the same insecurities? Do I still have the same hopes? Do I still have the same sense of humor? Do I still like the same things? Do I strive for the same ends? And what the hell is “fundamentally”, anyway?
When I was around twelve, I moved. Eleven years later, my brother decided to move back to the town we had grown up in and I came along to help him. I went back to my old neighborhood and there, mowing his parent’s lawn, was one of my childhood friends. I had seen him nearly every day for my first twelve years and had not spoken to him for next eleven.
He looked up from mowing and recognized me immediately. There was no double-take or any sort of shock or confusion. He simply said, “wow, how have you been?” We went out for beers and though my friend was older, had facial hair and was now a borderline alcoholic, I would say he was exactly the same. He had the same mannerisms, the same sense of humor, the same diction, the same good nature and the same desire to do nothing special with his life. Perhaps it wasn’t surprising since he hadn’t moved, but I remember that evening him making a comment that I was same as well. All the travel, all the school, all the experiences and I was still the same weird kid that used to claim he wasn’t shot when playing war in the woods and would argue endlessly about whether he was safe at first.
Perhaps people don’t fundamentally change. If true, this has a pretty profound impact on how we live our lives. Education and experience would not be to enhance one’s being, but would be only tools to live life more easily, on par with acquiring a car or a cell phone. One would have no reason to get back together with old flings as experience proved that the two personalities were and are incompatible.
And perhaps this is why we find so many fake and pretentious people. They are unable to actually change themselves so they are left with putting up fronts or surrounding themselves with aspects of the person they want to be. Perhaps all apparent change in our lives is nothing more than a mere ruse that tries to hide our true soul from the world.
So, do we actually change? I don’t know. I hope so, but I kind of doubt it. It seems genetics and early childhood experiences have formed the bulk of what we are. Anything else is probably just marginal.
“People don’t change”
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Technically, people do change. They become older and with that they become more confident or less confident, smarter or dumber, more liberal or more conservative. Their interests meander and their view of the world might shift. Just a few weeks ago, I wrote a blog about how people do change and at what rate. But, my friend didn’t mean that and I knew he didn’t mean that. He meant generally and at a fundamental level, people don’t change.
So, I’ve been wondering, fundamentally, am I the same person? After all the school and all the work, all the travel and all the various people I’ve known, am I really different? Do I still have all of the same insecurities? Do I still have the same hopes? Do I still have the same sense of humor? Do I still like the same things? Do I strive for the same ends? And what the hell is “fundamentally”, anyway?
When I was around twelve, I moved. Eleven years later, my brother decided to move back to the town we had grown up in and I came along to help him. I went back to my old neighborhood and there, mowing his parent’s lawn, was one of my childhood friends. I had seen him nearly every day for my first twelve years and had not spoken to him for next eleven.
He looked up from mowing and recognized me immediately. There was no double-take or any sort of shock or confusion. He simply said, “wow, how have you been?” We went out for beers and though my friend was older, had facial hair and was now a borderline alcoholic, I would say he was exactly the same. He had the same mannerisms, the same sense of humor, the same diction, the same good nature and the same desire to do nothing special with his life. Perhaps it wasn’t surprising since he hadn’t moved, but I remember that evening him making a comment that I was same as well. All the travel, all the school, all the experiences and I was still the same weird kid that used to claim he wasn’t shot when playing war in the woods and would argue endlessly about whether he was safe at first.
Perhaps people don’t fundamentally change. If true, this has a pretty profound impact on how we live our lives. Education and experience would not be to enhance one’s being, but would be only tools to live life more easily, on par with acquiring a car or a cell phone. One would have no reason to get back together with old flings as experience proved that the two personalities were and are incompatible.
And perhaps this is why we find so many fake and pretentious people. They are unable to actually change themselves so they are left with putting up fronts or surrounding themselves with aspects of the person they want to be. Perhaps all apparent change in our lives is nothing more than a mere ruse that tries to hide our true soul from the world.
So, do we actually change? I don’t know. I hope so, but I kind of doubt it. It seems genetics and early childhood experiences have formed the bulk of what we are. Anything else is probably just marginal.
posted by American Dilettante at
4:17 PM
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