Resilience

Right before I left for Panama, Carol from Chicago e-mailed me and let me know she had been laid off. Another lawyer friend fired, I thought, she must be doing horribly. For the past few years, she had been miserable at her firm. She worked long hours, doing something she hated. On top of that, she felt she wasn't making the money she deserved for the work she was putting in and ability she had. I urged her over and over to find another firm or do something else, but she wanted to stick it out. All her hard work and tenacity was met with a pink slip in the end. She must feel betrayed, anxious, depressed, I thought. After getting home and playing phone tag for a while, we finally spoke. And boy was I wrong.

"I'm doing great!" she said with manic energy, "I sleep in, I do reading, I go to the gym- I'm in the best shape of my life, I'm able to write poetry, I have yoga class. It's great!"

I find it funny that so often movies and books will begin with a tradgedy or traumatic event and then fast forward to characters still suffering from that event. It truth, people are resilient. They get over things, they bounce back and they move on. Sure, events are always with them, but they come to terms with them, learn from them and make the best of things. Unlike a shallow plot thread, life is infinte and rich. Humans have little choice but stop dwelling and to do other things. Who would have guessed that reality was filled with so much more hope than fiction?

Sure, Carol bounced back quickly from a simple job loss and maybe that was relatively easy, but I have friends and loved ones who have survived much worse and are doing well. They have weathered deaths, rapes and physical disabilities. Even Michelle, who has gone through more than anyone I have ever known, appears happy.

Science seems to support this idea as well. Studies show that even after becoming paralyzed, people reported that were weren't as unhappy as one would expect and still found the same joy in every day events as anyone else. They also had just as much hope for future happiness as anyone else.
http://education.ucsb.edu/janeconoley/ed197/documents/brickman_lotterywinnersandaccidentvictims.pdf

Of course, the reverse is also true. The same study shows that the Buddhists are on to something. Happiness is also fleeting. Only six months after winning the lottery, people are just as happy as they were before.

So, I guess Carol should enjoy the thrill of unemployment now, because in a few short weeks, it won't be so enjoyable.