The Interview

In life, most our time is focused on the achievement of two major things- love and work. They are both ubiquitous, yet we seem to have trouble finding a good version of either. They are significant to us; they are the major causes of life changes and migration for people. When it comes down to it, without a good job and a good mate, we feel unsatisfied. They are also the two main things in life that involve massive preparation and a grueling interview process.

When we are young, jobs and love are fleeting. Boys ask girls to “go together” or “go out” and instantly they are mated. Paper routes and minimum wage jobs are just as easy to obtain. Though rejection is possible, asking is still all that is required to achieve.

As we grow older, the process becomes more arduous as the stakes are raised. Relationships are not just based on holding hands and reputation. Sex and the potential for marriage and procreation are added to the mix. With jobs, real responsibility and substantial salaries are on the line. Thus, an interview process is added. One false move within the process and the interviewer will know that the applicant is not suited for the position.

Say you design your resume incorrectly or call too soon. You’re out. Say you act too nervous or you do not come off as intelligent? You’re out. Say you answer a question like “where do you see yourself in five years?” or “what do you do in your spare time?” honestly. You’re out. (“I don’t fucking know” and “watch TV and masturbate” are the wrong honest answers)

We all want to get to the point where we can just be trusted, but so much must be done to prove it. College and graduate school are prerequisites not for the education (little I learned in class has ever helped me professionally), but for proving that one can commit to responsibility. Having a bunch of hobbies is not for the sharing that interest necessarily, but to prove that one isn’t a depressing do-nothing that sits on the couch.

The interview process has become so cumbersome that many of us have given up on achieving the goals we want. Some jobs and individuals have such a competitive interview process that we do not even bother. Luckily, as many of us have learned, the interview process can be successfully circumvented with the help of people called friends. If your friend works somewhere or your friend knows someone, you have an in. Sure, there are still some prerequisites, but the process of vouching allows one to jump to the head of the line and bypass much of the massive interview process. It’s all about connections.

Now if only my friends had better ones…..