The Flow of Lives
As each of us blazes our trail through life, we encounter individuals who are headed in various directions. Some people are on our trajectory and, so, keeping in touch with them is an easy affair. Often they live in the same city, have the same career path or are part of the same social circles. Other people, though, are heading in different directions and maintaining a relationship with them takes more effort. Unlike the first group who are convenient, the later group requires get-togethers, phone calls, visits and even major efforts like a change in job to maintain the relations.
For example, my friend Matty Potter moved into a house he found on Craigslist. He started dating the girl in the next room and eventually married her. They both like their careers, like where they live and have no plans on leaving DC. Logistically, there is perhaps nothing easier than their situation.
My friend Matt Yeti, though, had a tougher time. His relationship with his eventual wife involved large periods of time in different cities due to law school, internships and work. The shuffle back forth, the time apart and job changes were grueling.
Both Matt and Matty seem to have equally functioning relationships. Yet, Matt had to put in a lot more effort than Matty. Was Matty just luckier than Matt? Did his wife just happen to be on the same trajectory?
Well, one could argue that Matty is luckier or somehow more tapped into some sort of cosmic plan. Maybe he just happened to move in right next door to his soul mate who also happened to never want to leave DC. Doesn’t it seem like people occasionally run into each other as if its destiny? I mean, just yesterday, the Express had a picture of a war protester holding the name of a dead soldier that my roommate randomly had tattooed on his arm the week before (that’s a 1 in 4000 chance). Maybe there is destiny and people are spiritually connected. I’ve definitely had my share of countless “crazy” connections and reconnections with people that have left me stunned.
But, the Dilettante is a realist. He understands that it’s a small socio-economic class and these connections and run-ins aren’t really so miraculous. He understands that for every important person that one connects or reconnects with, there are dozens, even hundreds, that one doesn’t connect and reconnect with. No one remembers the important person one missed by five minutes because one missed them. And, as for meeting “the one,” haven’t we all ironically had that experience several times? That feeling of finding a perfect match is almost certainly subjective emotion rather than cosmic objective fact.
In reality, luck may have played some role in Matty Potter’s life, but there are many, many women out there who are compatible with Matty. Having one in the next room isn’t really that lucky.
But if finding a mate isn’t that hard, why are many of us single and why was Matt Yeti so unlucky? Why would he put in all of this effort when there are other women who are easier to deal with and more on his life’s trajectory? Well, maybe he got locked into a series of ever-increasing obligations, but most likely he just really likes his wife. He is discriminating and does not feel there are other women around of a similar quality. To him, his effort is worth it.
The real difference between Matt and Matty is that Matt Yeti is more choosy and
discriminating. This isn’t to say that Matty Potter would take anything, but Matty P is certainly more open-minded, accepting and compromising. Matt Y was looking for a particular woman and unwilling to settle for anything else. When he found her, he put in the work to make it work with his wife. While Matty worked with the flow of lives to find his mate, Matt fought them
For example, my friend Matty Potter moved into a house he found on Craigslist. He started dating the girl in the next room and eventually married her. They both like their careers, like where they live and have no plans on leaving DC. Logistically, there is perhaps nothing easier than their situation.
My friend Matt Yeti, though, had a tougher time. His relationship with his eventual wife involved large periods of time in different cities due to law school, internships and work. The shuffle back forth, the time apart and job changes were grueling.
Both Matt and Matty seem to have equally functioning relationships. Yet, Matt had to put in a lot more effort than Matty. Was Matty just luckier than Matt? Did his wife just happen to be on the same trajectory?
Well, one could argue that Matty is luckier or somehow more tapped into some sort of cosmic plan. Maybe he just happened to move in right next door to his soul mate who also happened to never want to leave DC. Doesn’t it seem like people occasionally run into each other as if its destiny? I mean, just yesterday, the Express had a picture of a war protester holding the name of a dead soldier that my roommate randomly had tattooed on his arm the week before (that’s a 1 in 4000 chance). Maybe there is destiny and people are spiritually connected. I’ve definitely had my share of countless “crazy” connections and reconnections with people that have left me stunned.
But, the Dilettante is a realist. He understands that it’s a small socio-economic class and these connections and run-ins aren’t really so miraculous. He understands that for every important person that one connects or reconnects with, there are dozens, even hundreds, that one doesn’t connect and reconnect with. No one remembers the important person one missed by five minutes because one missed them. And, as for meeting “the one,” haven’t we all ironically had that experience several times? That feeling of finding a perfect match is almost certainly subjective emotion rather than cosmic objective fact.
In reality, luck may have played some role in Matty Potter’s life, but there are many, many women out there who are compatible with Matty. Having one in the next room isn’t really that lucky.
But if finding a mate isn’t that hard, why are many of us single and why was Matt Yeti so unlucky? Why would he put in all of this effort when there are other women who are easier to deal with and more on his life’s trajectory? Well, maybe he got locked into a series of ever-increasing obligations, but most likely he just really likes his wife. He is discriminating and does not feel there are other women around of a similar quality. To him, his effort is worth it.
The real difference between Matt and Matty is that Matt Yeti is more choosy and
discriminating. This isn’t to say that Matty Potter would take anything, but Matty P is certainly more open-minded, accepting and compromising. Matt Y was looking for a particular woman and unwilling to settle for anything else. When he found her, he put in the work to make it work with his wife. While Matty worked with the flow of lives to find his mate, Matt fought them
posted by American Dilettante at
3:34 PM
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