Lithuania

Lithuania and Poland are obsessed with the 16th and 17th centuries. It was their "Golden Age." They built castles and churches and conquered foreign lands. And they love showing off their glorious weaponry from the era: full suits of armor and manly broad swords straight out of a Dungeons and Dragons manual.

Except, if you take a step back, it's not really all that great. I mean, Western Europe had stopped wearing armor hundreds of years earlier when sword technology became light and sharp. Plus, they had started using these things called guns and cannons and were taking to seas. No, what the Lithuanians and Poles thought was impressive was actually archaic. Those slow moving armored hulks would be absolute sitting ducks. It was no wonder that the Prussians, Austro-Hungarians and Russians destroyed them consistantly after their peak and subjugated them for the next three hundred years..

I do have a point. Stay with me.

I was sitting in a bar on my third pint when I befriended three Lithuanians who one would think would never be friends. They grew up together, though, and were bonded in that childhood-friend-I-love-you-like-a-brother-and-would-kill-for-you kind of way. The first was a closeted gamer nerd, the second was a party boy type who spent some time in LA and the third was a very conservative racist asshole. I will say, to his credit, it was a conservative racist asshole who invited me to go drinking with them in the first place. Anyway, over the course of about fifteen drinks, this conversation happened between the conservative Lithuanian and me (add drunk slurring to the dialog if you like):

"Why did you come to Vilnius?" I was asked.
"I was on vacation in Poland and decided to see what Lithuania was like."
"What do think of Polish people?"
"They were really friendly and welcoming for the most part."
"I fucking hate Polish people. They're fucking nationalistic and just keep breeding. There's more of them outside Poland than in Poland. They're like rats."
At this point, his two friends were looking pretty embarassed.
"And Jews. What do you think of Jews?"
"Uh, there are good Jews and bad Jews. People are diverse."
"I hate Jews. They are also like rats."

Now, I don't exactly get how he hated Jews when Lithuania has like four Jews left after the holocaust, but whatever. He then went on a rant about the European Union and how the Germans are using it to conquer Europe.

The point of this little story is that this conservative Lithuanian's opinion on Poles and Jews was not just mean spirited, but useless and archaic. We live in a world with Poles and Jews. They're not going anywhere. The days of genocide or even national isolation are past. We're not going to go back to those days. It's a multiethnic global society. Deal with it. Like that suit of armor and that broad sword, feelings of Lithuanian patriotism (or whatever is driving his xenophobia) may at first appear admirable, but at second glance are completely without function in today's world.

It's all the same as anyone who tries to exploit the charm of "being old-fashioned." I had a prof in grad school who still used only a typewriter. I'm sure he thought himself charming. The cosmetic charm of that typewriter wore off the second the students asked how they were to e-mail him. It was a fully-armored Pole against some quick moving Prussians.

And, of course, this applies to Egypt as well. They're never going to get anywhere until they accept rights for women, rights for minorities and embrace religious freedom, but everyone wants to be old-fashioned. They think its charming, but its really incredibly impracticle

Poland

There was a strike at the airport in Cairo. Of course there was - this is post-revolution Egypt. So, now the air traffic controllers wanted a pay raise of 300%. My friends who were heading to Sharm had been delayed 12 hours. Ahamdooleela, I was only delayed a couple hours (albeit at 4 in the morning), so I took it as a blessing.

So.....Poland.

When I said I was going to Poland, every person I told looked at me puzzled. "Why?" was the usual question, believing Poland had nothing really to offer.

Poland, though, was beyond my expectations. Beautiful churches, charming plazas, alcohol, uncovered women, pork, cars that aren't trying to run me over. Okay, I may just be naming things are not Egypt, but still.

Growing up, the idea of Europe was that it was a relaxing romantic place. Cafes lined the streets and some guy named Pierre read poetry in the park or some shit like that. After going to London, Paris, Barcelona, and Rome, I learned that the European stereotype was mostly a myth. Europe was crowded, loud, poluted, fast-paced and often very uncultured. That is, until you head east. Starting at about Vienna, Europe shifts to everything one imagined. All of a sudden there's cobblestone, violins and traffic laws.

But what about the post-communist ugliness? I certainly remember Prague in 1996. But Warsaw and Krakow in 2011 were mostly lacking the specter of the USSR's influence. The people were clean and healthy. The buses and cars had all been updated. Crowded shopping malls, busy restaurants and other "positive" economic indicators were everywhere. Poland was simply charming in every way. Friendly people, lots of entertainment, inexpensive, great food, wonderful sites.

There had to be something wrong with Poland. Otherwise, I wouldn't have a good story. I mean, walking into pubs and having herring and vodka shots is fun, but that's not a story. I once thought I was buying bread, but instead bought two pounds of smoked cheese. Funny, but not a story. What makes Poland stick out from the rest of the world?

Oh right, the holocaust.

I went to Auschwitz.

So, Yiddish speaking Jews were almost a third of Krakow's population. And now there's roughly 200 of them left in the city (and they're pretty old). The Jewish quarter has a half-dozen synagogues of which only one small one is used. There are a few Jewish souvenier shops, Jewish restaurants, Jewish bands and Jewish history tours. Jews don't run them or frequent them - they're for tourists. For the most part, one would not notice they were in the Jewish quarter. Almost all evidence of the population, like the population itself, has been erased.

As grim as Auschwitz was to see, the creepiness of a Jewish quarter empty of Jews or even the trace of a Jew was more powerful to me. And still, there's anti-Jewish graffiti on the walls of the Krakow (some of it crossed out as well). Maybe they're conflating "Jew" and "Israel." I don't know. Still, when you're only a few miles from a death camp, one would think one would have more tact.