Social Democrats and Social Republicans

It occurred to me some time ago that my friends all suck. Yeah, yeah, I like them and all, but as time goes on, their desire to go out and socialize has dropped off considerably. In graduate school, we went out three to four times a week. There has been a steady drop off and now I’m lucky to go out with them once every two weeks. My high school friends up in Charm City have had a similar progression. Often if I want to go out, I have to go out with acquaintances who are not nearly as interesting or fun.

The cause is obvious. Most of them have gotten into serious relationships and have busy jobs. The desire to meet new people is low as is their energy to do so. This is direct opposition to me. With no significant other and no job, my boredom levels are high.

Not to sound like a selfish asshole, but what about me?

Many people become charitable once they have achieved economic security. Yet, when it comes to social security (small s on both), some seem to have a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality. Are my friends Republican libertarian assholes when it comes to social capital?

Certainly, not all people have social stinginess. Many guys, in a communist mindset, play wingmen and “sit on grenades” for the benefit of their buds. Some women are born matchmakers who actively try to fix people up. Mothers worry about the children, nephews and nieces and make suggestions. Others simply feel social obligation to spend time with their friends.

Now, I too, when I was riding high with social capital in a serious relationship, did not think too much about others, their entertainment or well being socially. So, it’s hard to complain too much. I rarely give to any charity come to think of it. (Man, I’m one selfish dude).

Perhaps there should be a non-profit devoted to the epidemic of lonliness and boredom. Or is that what the kickball leagues are?

That Goddamn Flower Guy at the Restaurant

Valentines Day, like many other days that force human action, interaction and expectation, is yet another trap invented by business to extort money from human beings. It is the equivalent of a having a thief threaten you with bodily harm unless you hand over your wallet. You have no choice but to give money away to bring yourself back to neutral. Of course, you’re not neutral since you have less money. Am I being a little extreme? Hardly.

As the Buddhists know, humans are in an endless cycle of seeing something, having desire and being unhappy and consuming something to become neutral again. Now, advertisers bombard people all the time with images that make them less happy. Are they evil too? Well, yes, they promote crime and make the world a worse place, but at least they fund television and radio programs and subsidize the price of magazines and newspapers. For the unhappiness that they cause, people do get something out of it.

Valentines day is just like that asshole that bothers you at the restaurant with the flowers. He comes over, interrupts your life, makes you awkward and leaves you with a no win dilemma. You either buy the flower and look like a tool who was pressured by society to buy something cheesy or you look cheap. He makes money off of bringing pain to the world.

Couples get nothing out of Valentines Day because gift exchange is expected. Unlike Christmas, where gifts can have utility, Valentines Day gifts are notably useless- jewelry, flowers, and cards. The best you can do is give chocolate. On top of this, there is a keep up with the Joneses aspect where you have to beat everyone else’s gifts and the gifts you have previous given.

For the single, this day is living hell as they are constantly reminded about their solitude. The day is most vicious to children where teachers force them to give valentines to each other and they stress about how they will be interpreted.

Bah Humbug

Emigrating to Rome or Persia

Apes, wolves and other pack animals are known for having clear leaders who dominate the group. The strong and successful males lead, beat the other animals up and impregnate all of the women. Any weaker males who attempt to rival their power are killed and so are their children. The fittest survive and their genes soon spread and dominate all others attempting to breed. They are the “Alpha Males.”

After the Alphas are the “Beta Males.” They are the jealous, crafty and sleazy who pretend to be allied with the Alphas and then impregnate the females when the Alphas are not around. They rarely attempt to fight with the Alphas unless a group of Betas gangs up on an Alpha. Usually their offspring are raised by the Alphas who are tricked into thinking that they are theirs.

The “Gamma Males” are next. They are clearly inferior males who take whatever they can get. They keep away from most social interaction knowing they will lose in any fight. They scavenge for food after the Alphas and Betas have had their fill. They reproduce only on occasions when a situation arises where a female is isolated or neglected.

Lowest on this totem is the “Omega Males” who are weak and deformed freaks who have zero chance of survival.

The human race certainly has the Alpha leaders and dominators, the Beta sneakers, the Gamma losers and the Omega leftovers. Many of us, though, and perhaps most of us, say, “fuck it” and get out of the Greek system. Realizing that they can prosper by moving east or west, they do so.

Unlike with apes and wolves, the top of human totems is rather subjective. In the stereotype of yuppie culture, the Alphas choose to lift weights and go into business or law. They choose to mate with attractive blonde ditsy women with big breasts. The Betas try to be like the Alphas and end up with middle management positions and women who are less attractive, but from the same mold. The Gammas are happy with whatever and whoever they can get.

But then there are the people that realize that they will not succeed in that rat race and choose a different one. It’s always the nerdy, eccentric comic book guy who is into Japanese girls. It’s always the quiet bookish girl who goes to Bolivia for Peace Corp and marries Alejandro. Why so?

Objectively, the nerdy guy’s computer job is just as profitable as the I-banker, if not more, and the NGO worker is just as fulfilled as the housewife, if not more. The Japanese girl and Alejandro are just as attractive as beefy Chad and blonde “bombshell” Trish. So, really, these people that have moved outside of the system have really done quite well for themselves.

The emigraters (who are perhaps most of us) are creative and adventurous enough to not end up like a pathetic Beta or Gamma.